So what is a safecall?

A safecall is like a human alarm system. It is used when you are playing with someone you don’t know well, in a private situation. I think it’s an American idea – I haven’t really come across much talk about it in the UK. It may have fallen out of use somewhat since the BDSM Scene has grown larger and more open, so it’s easier to get to know people well, and there are more clubs where playing in public (i.e., with other people present, not in the middle of Trafalgar Square) is possible.

The way it works is like this:

You are about to play with a new partner for the first time in private, and you do not feel that you know them really well yet. There is still a possibility that they might be – least harmful case – careless, or – worst case – an axe murderer. Hopefully they aren’t, but you are being cautious.

You arrange with a trusted friend that either

• you will call them or
• they will call you

at a specific time(s). If you do not make the call/answer the telephone, or you do not include a specific phrase when you speak to them, then you are in trouble and need help.

As you can see, this is a situation that is positively fraught with interest. What if you forget? What if they forget? Nobody wants the police knocking on the door when they’re having a whale of a time with bondage and whips all over the place. The police are rather more relaxed about this kind of thing now (having better things to do with their time than prosecute people for having fun in their own homes) but it’s still not wise to parade BDSM in front of them – and I’m not sure whether Wasting Police Time is a crime, but I’m certain that if I was them I’d be inclined to treat it as one.

Also, by the time you have not answered your call (or not called), couldn’t you already have been murdered and your body stowed in a suitcase in Left Luggage somewhere?

Well, yes. And that’s the point. Safecalls are not there to rescue you in case of trouble. By the time your rescue arrives, if you need it, trouble – to one extent or another – will already have happened. Safecalls are a deterrent.

The idea is that if Mistress (or Master) So-and-So really is an axe murderer, they will not want to murder someone whose friends are going to check up on their wellbeing at regular intervals. Having the police turn up when you are in the middle of dismembering a corpse is very inconvenient (I speak theoretically; this has never happened to me). Therefore, if Mistress So-and-So only made the date in order to murder you in privacy, she will probably break the date and find an easier victim.

So, for an effective safecall

• The person you are playing with must know that you have a safecall set up. Remember, this is a deterrent, not a rescue party.
• It must be taken seriously. Don’t forget, or pick a friend who is notoriously scatter-brained (or who has other plans for that night). If you think you might forget, set your watch or mobile phone to alarm to remind you, if you can.  
• There must be a coherent plan of action. If you don’t make the call, or don’t answer the call, what is your friend to do? And you need to be sure that the friend will do it.
• Make sure your friend knows where you are.
• Make sure your friend knows who you are with. If the person you are playing with does not want you to tell your friend their real name, put their real name in a sealed envelope for your friend to open if you fail to make contact as arranged.
• Make sure your friend knows when you have left the premises, and call them again when you get home.

It is worth considering that if you expect your session to be very short, you can simply call your friend as you go in, and tell them – in the style of the best detective stories – “I’m only going to be an hour; if I haven’t called you back in an hour, I’m in trouble.”

For a truly paranoid safecall (although, remember, it’s not paranoia if they’re really out to get you)

• Have an ‘I’m in trouble’ phrase to use on the phone – just in case Mistress X is holding a knife to your throat. For instance  “I’m OK” means everything is fine; “I’m enjoying myself” means “She’s a mad axe-murderer – help!”
• Don’t use your mobile phone. Use the landline of the house you’re in. This is because your mobile (and therefore you) could be anywhere. If you have been kidnapped against your will and taken somewhere else to be murdered, it might be difficult to find you just by your mobile signal. If you’re using the landline, you’ve got to be in that building somewhere. This is good practice with safecalls anyway.
• Have a safecall every hour, or every couple of hours.
• Once you’ve left, don’t allow the person you’re playing with to persuade you to come back – or if they do, tell your safecall friend that you’re going back (as, of course, you’ve already told them you’ve left).

Of course, all this applies to the person whose house it is, as well, just turned on its head – the mechanics of the safecall are the same.

• Always use your landline.
• Tell your friend when your guest leaves.
• Once your guest has left, don’t let him/her back in until you’ve called your safecall friend.

And remember, safecalls are not just for bottoms. It’s easier for a top to tie up the bottom and then bring out the big axe, but it’s equally possible for a bottom to be an axe murderer.

If the person you are playing with objects to you setting up a safecall, ask yourself why. All right, it may be distracting to have you on the phone halfway through the evening, but could this not be built into the scene?

If the person you are playing with will not tell you their real name, again, ask yourself why. Some people have very sensitive jobs, but there isn’t really a great deal you can do with just a name.

So, in summary, a safecall is simply a way to ensure that your continued wellbeing is checked on periodically when you are playing with someone new in a private situation. It has most value as a deterrent, as by the time help comes, in the worst case, you might be beyond help. If you think that it is likely that you are going to need help, a better option is simply not to play with that person in private.

Bibliography
Jay Wiseman. SM101: A Realistic Introduction. 2nd ed 1996. Greenery Press.